New year, new dating M.O.!
Bumble recently released its 2025 Dating Trends, and the internet is abuzz with chatter about what’s happening on the dating frontier these days.
Francesca Hogi, who is based in New York City and the founder of the True Love Society, believes that Bumble’s dating trends reveal that outdated ways of approaching romance aren’t cutting it anymore. “Trends like Male-Casting show that women aren’t simply going to take what they can get from men anymore — they are claiming what they want.”
Beyond the dating app’s forecast for dating crazes du jour, an interesting new phenomenon is picking up steam in the world of romantic pursuits: kittenfishing. A cute name for a not-so-cute concept, kittenfishing boils down to a milder version of catfishing.
In catfishing, a person online pretends to be someone totally different from who they really are,” she says. “Kittenfishing is when a person online presents themselves in subtly misleading, if not outright false ways. For instance, they might inflate their job title, or use highly retouched photos that are technically them, but look like the best and most idealized version of themselves,” Hogi continues, noting it’s been around as long as people have been connecting online, but people are now becoming more attuned to this behavior. Ahead, Hogi and other experts share what swipers and suitors alike should know about kittenfishing.
What is kittenfishing?
Shan Boodram, Bumble’s sex and relationships expert, expands on the above definition of kittenfishing to state that it consists of a person misrepresenting themselves online to impress matches and, ultimately, a potential date. “This misrepresentation manifests itself in lies or exaggerations about one’s personal appearance, lifestyle, and or personality,” she adds.
Courtney Sonntag, LMFT, owner of Front Porch Therapy in Las Vegas, echoes the sentiment of Boodram and Hogi, also stressing that unlike catfishing, kittenfishing usually involves smaller lies or exaggerations, particularly about appearance, accomplishments, or general interests in an effort to appear more desirable to others. “While behind the screen kittenfishing can seem harmless, it does often lead to a sense of disappointment and betrayal,” she says.
Why do people kittenfish?
There’s no two ways about it: It’s not fine to be on the receiving end of a kittenfish. So, why do people engage in the behavior?
Per Sonntag, people often partake in kittenfishing because they want to appear more attractive, successful, or “with it” than they feel they are in their regular life. “There’s a sense of ‘if I’m myself, no one will want me,’ so they kittenfish to reduce rejection or to mask the insecurity they feel about themselves,” she says, citing common examples from old or heavily filtered photos and embellishing job titles, to more broad interpretations of kittenfishing such as tweaking your personality to seem more confident and outgoing in messages than they would normally be in face-to-face interactions.
Boodram takes perhaps a more pessimistic view of the behavior. “You’ll often see people kittenfishing because, quite frankly, it’s easy to do. Dating apps can sometimes be a competitive space with thousands of people trying to stand out from one another.” says Boodram. In her experience, Boodram says some of the most common lies people tell are about their height, age, occupation, and lifestyle habits. “If you put on your profile that you’re an activist, but you aren’t currently engaged with any causes, you are kittenfishing and should find another word to describe your community involvement,” she adds.
The downsides of kittenfishing
It can be tempting to spruce up your online dating profile, but experts warn against it.
“Authenticity is crucial in developing relationships, romantic or otherwise, and if there’s intentional deception, no matter how small, trust can erode before this connection can even start,” cautions Sonntag. “While exaggerating ourselves may seem like the best way to attract the ideal partner, people prefer the best, most honest self, no matter what that looks like. Confidence and authenticity are key for connection.”
What to do if you spot a kittenfisher
If you think somebody’s online dating profile may be embellished, Hogi’s biggest piece of advice online is to pay attention to who is presenting themselves like they’re marketing an ideal or perfect “product.” That’s a sign they’re doing whatever it takes to get as many matches as possible, rather than focusing on getting the best matches for them. The bottom line is that quality of matches should be the goal — not quantity.
If you're personally kittenfishing others, you might not even be aware. To safeguard against this, Boodram advises that when you are creating or updating your dating app profile, ask yourself if your best friend came across your page, would the attributes on there align with who they know you as? “Or better yet, ask your friend to honestly review your profile and give feedback on what they feel is most true for you,” she suggests. “At the end of the day, people’s attention spans on dating profiles can be short, so you only want to put the most true, pressing, consistent and authentic parts of yourself on there.”
